Why Becoming Frustrated With Yourself Is A Good Thing

Have you ever had the experience of being somewhere but wanting or desiring to be somewhere else?

I’m referring to an internal struggle; I can see so clearly where it is I want to get to but it seems so far away from where I am. And it can feel like it takes so long to take even the smallest step forward.

I guess that’s part of the learning curve…having the patience to be where you are and to be fully there before taking the next step. I get that logically, but the reality is sometimes a little more challenging.

Is there an answer? A way to get around this and fast track? Not that I’ve found so far, and, it seems, with good reason.

Here’s what I have learned. Allow the frustration and anger to come out because lets face it, we’ve all been there, right?

It is frustrating as hell to repeatedly spend time and energy working on something only to have it fail again! Pretending otherwise is pointless for me, so I have my rant, stomp my feet and cuss up a storm.

And when I allow myself to express that, when I let the energy of the frustration go, it very often provides a new opening.

Being on a learning curve is so much more than just education. It is the growing and developing of your essential self. It is the building and strengthening of a new “muscle” and it takes time and practice.

It’s easy when caught in the struggle, to lose sight of how far we’ve actually come. So I make a point, after my tirade passes, to look at where I was a year ago, 6 months ago, or even last week.

From that perspective, I can see my growth and development, and feel reassured that all is not for naught, and soon I’m back in the mix.

My life is all about me, just as yours is all about you. And it would seem that one of the great lessons of my life is to remember that.

Sometimes I experience great joy and sometimes not so much. But part of what I’ve learned is that whenever it feels like something is happening to me, it’s also happening for me.

It is in the commitment to ourselves, our dedication to growing, learning and becoming all we are meant to be that the real education takes place because we are actually learning to master ourselves, not just the task at hand.

An added bonus to this developing and mastery of self is that I clearly understand that this is also the place we can best be of service to others.

If you would like to gain more clarity on where you want to be and how to get there, then I encourage you to book a Discovery Session with me here (completely FREE!)

Beach panorama

Find Out How To Gain The Clarity You Need

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? In fact I’ve been there just as recently as a few days ago. Again…

The idea/plan/direction you thought you were certain about suddenly doesn’t look quite so certain. You start to second guess yourself, wonder if you’ve missed something, maybe there’s a better/easier/faster way. You decide you should investigate other options or get another opinion and BAM! Your clarity and certainty is gone and once again you’re looking at the door of confusion. And it’s locked up tight.

Do you ever wonder, how does this happen, and why can’t I seem to just make a decision and stick with it?

Well, if you’re an entrepreneur, you likely already know you suffer (to a greater or lesser degree) with a little condition known as Shiny Object Syndrome.

There are 2 ways this condition affects us. The first is with actual visual distractions and the second and more threatening way is with our own thoughts and it is these thoughts that land us in front of the closed door of confusion.

I learned recently that confusion is an illusion created by the brain (ego) to keep us exactly where we are, and when we respond with feelings of confusion, frustration and anger, it has accomplished its job.

We cannot move forward while confused, frustrated or angry.

As soon as we step away from those negative feelings and give ourselves permission to be in the space of I don’t know, there is an instant opening for something else. And that something else is where our certainty and clarity lives.

Saying it’s an illusion in no way implies what we feel isn’t real. It’s very real! But consider what an illusion is. According to Wikipedia, “illusions are based on general assumptions the brain makes during perception.”

When your brain perceives the thought I’m confused/angry/frustrated and it’s then supported by you actually feeling confused/angry/frustrated (because our thoughts create our feelings) you have effectively bought into the illusion.

It isn’t real. It’s just a thought. And when you disengage the emotions, by directing your focus/thoughts to something else, the illusion disappears and reality returns. And the reality is that you have all the answers for your life inside of you all the time.

Going toe to toe with the door of confusion is a good thing! Welcome it and allow yourself to be there, because on the other side of the door lies your breakthrough; your clarity and your understanding. It’s like your very own self-induced test to find out just how badly you want to break free and move forward.

Feeling confused and frustrated is just that. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

I had been stuck in something is wrong; it shouldn’t be like this, why can’t I get this? Going round and round with these thoughts, there was no opening for anything else.

The moment I stopped fighting it, gave myself permission to be where I was, the frustration and anger faded away. I woke up the next morning very clear and with the answer. And you know what? It was the original answer I’d come up with months ago, but didn’t trust.

Being face to face with the door of confusion, no matter how many times you find yourself there, is perfect because you are at the precipice of your next breakthrough. The next big step in your life.

And that is actually very exciting and inspiring.



she believed

The 5 Key Steps To Manifesting What You Desire

Manifesting is the result of a combination of mind set (what you think about) and action (what you do).

To be effective we must learn the difference between doing what we can with what we have, and what we can delegate to the Universe/God/Source/Consciousness ~ whatever term you use.

The difference between the two is important because it’s tempting to fall into one of two camps: trying to do everything yourself and burn out, or you do nothing, leaving everything up to metaphysical chance, and wonder why your life isn’t changing.



In my experience, I have found there are 5 key steps to manifesting.

  • Get clear. Statistics indicate that less than 1% of us actually know what we want. We know a whole lot about what we don’t want, but we tend to be disconnected from what we really do want or desire.
  • Think, act, speak and be about only what it is that you want. Use visualization to bring it to life See it so clearly you could reach out and touch it. Know what it’s going to cost and engage all your senses; are you on a trip? What are you wearing, what does the weather feel like, what kind of food are you eating, what sights are you seeing, who are you with etc. Use the visualization a few times a day (the more the better) and be aware of your language. Stay away from words like hope, if and maybe. Using the example of a trip, speak about it as if it’s already booked. When we get to…. we are going to see….. On my trip to……I will…..Make it non-negotiable.
  • Get support. Lets face it, changing our thinking takes dedication, persistence and massive awareness. Being supported means you have someone else in the process with you. It means being held to a higher level of accountability than you can hold yourself to, and it makes all the difference.
  • Hang out with people that have already done what you want to do. People that are up to big things in the world typically operate at a fairly high frequency. So if you know people that are planning trips, get together with them. Share stories and plans. It keeps the focus on what you want and helps keep you in the excitement.
  • Check in with yourself periodically for subconscious fear and self doubt. These 2 are very sneaky and can mess with your head before you know it! Prevent the surprise attack by going on the offensive. Asking yourself if you are fearful or have some doubt about your desire accomplishes 2 things; it brings awareness to how you are feeling (very important in the manifestation process) and it gives you advance notice if either of the two have snuck in so you can course correct right away.

The Difference Between Surrendering and Giving Up

This is it! You’ve decided 2015 is your year and you are going to change your life!

You’re doing the things successful people say you should; working with positive affirmations and mantra’s, setting aside quiet time each day to meditate and journal, directing you’re attention to what you want, working daily on your wealth consciousness. You’ve even written out your goals, de-cluttered your physical space and re-committed to your daily work outs. Excellent! Well done ~ you should be very proud of yourself.

Except that nothing is changing. So what do you do when you’re doing all the right stuff but not getting the results you want and expect?

I’ve learned is that the answer is 2 fold.

First, there is a time aspect and the best analogy I know for this is starting to work out, after a long hiatus. I’ll hit the gym 3 times a week for a few weeks (but feels like 3 months) do the workouts, drink the water and feel so committed, and yet be so disappointed that my body hasn’t changed the way I’d expected!

9e13fdb256701aca32e00cb0416395b7The physical results and my expectations are not in alignment with the reality of what it takes to build muscle and burn fat. And this is the point many of us throw up our hands in frustration and quit. Don’t quit!

Just because you can’t see the results, does not mean things are not changing.  It simply means you can’t see what’s happening beneath the surface.

Your eyes don’t have the ability to see how your heart and lungs are getting stronger, how muscle is building and fat is reducing. But if you keep doing it, by month 3 or 4, you will start to see a physical difference. It just takes time.

The second aspect is about control. Perceived control to be exact and giving it up, also known as surrendering. This concept was a struggle for me because I had surrendering collapsed or mixed up with, giving up. But they are two entirely different things.

 Surrender is about understanding and accepting that I don’t have all the answers. It’s about letting go of trying so hard to make something happen, and its about trusting a process that I can’t see and don’t fully understand, but know is in effect all the time.

I’m not talking about leaving your life to chance. I’m talking about energetically surrendering control of a situation, circumstance or event that you cannot affect with what you know.

If you aren’t seeing the results you’d expected, ask yourself if you’ve allowed enough time, and is there an aspect of this issue you could surrender or let go of energetically? This process actually attracts and invites resources, people and solutions that otherwise wouldn’t be on your radar. The key is being willing to surrender. Then step out of the way and allow the process to unfold.


featured image from justbonesboardwear.com


Practicing Discipline

Have you ever had the experience of knowing you should be doing something and yet you resist doing it?

Going to the gym for example ~ or doing some kind of exercise. You know you should be doing it, that you’ll feel better, you’ll have more energy, your clothes will fit better and you’ll sleep better. In fact you can’t think of a single reason to not exercise, and yet you don’t.

What’s up with that?

I recently wrote about goal setting and how if you aren’t connected to your “why”, the commitment to seeing your goals through is simply not there. This is part of it, but not all of it – for me at least.

The other part comes down to discipline. I’m sorry it isn’t deeper or sexier than this, but it isn’t.  It’s simply about discipline and being disciplined takes practice.

Lets face it – being successful at anything requires more than a commitment. It requires actual action, the doing of something, and that involves being disciplined. It’s one thing to say we’re committed to something but it’s an entirely different matter to have the discipline to consistently repeat a behaviour, even when we don’t feel like it ~ especially when we don’t feel like it. And it is the key. To everything.

So why is it, when we know we could benefit from a particular behavior, we resist doing it?

I wish I had the answer, but sadly, I don’t. Nor do I have any quick tips or tricks to help you be more disciplined, because being disciplined takes well, discipline.

But I do know this. When you really want something different for yourself, when staying the same is no longer an option, you will find a way. And that is at the heart of discipline.

I’m learning that being distracted, even at times being completely derailed is all a part of it. Yes, it helps to have systems in place to keep me focused and on track, but there are times when even these are not effective.

What gets me back in the game, the game of my life, is a decision. I again decide what I’m up for, available for and not available for and it starts with a question.

I ask myself what do I want my life to be for? Not the whole big picture, but for right now, in this moment? And when I remember that I can do anything, would I continue doing what I’m doing (or not doing as the case may be) or would I make a different choice?

Sometimes we simply forget who we are. We forget that this life, this miraculous gift that will never ever be repeated has enormous value and infinitesimal potential. You have enormous value and infinitesimal potential.

Your life is about you. This is it ~ no one is coming to save you, to coerce you, to cajole you, to convince you to do something different. At the end of the day there’s just you and the voice in your head. You must be the one to lead any and all self-saving expeditions and you must be the one to practice the art of discipline.

From that place, the motivation and energy to do the thing we know we should be doing, reveals itself. And we start anew.

You absolutely have within you, the ability to create and live the life you’ve imagined for yourself. And it is only ever one decision and a little discipline, away.




picture from 3rdgradegridiron.com


Setting Up For A Successful Year

So here we are. First day of a brand new year. Have you made any New Year resolutions? Do you have any big plans for 2015 or are you more of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of person?

For most of my life, that’s been me (flying by the seat of my pants). And while there are pro’s and con’s to both approaches, in the end for me, the con’s out weighed the pro’s in this approach.

The idea of setting goals always seemed like a good idea, but I’d always shy away from doing it. There was such a huge gap between where I wanted to be and where I actually was, that it all seemed overwhelming and unattainable. Until now.

Armed with the understanding that my life and everything in it, is a direct result of what I think about (where I put my attention) and how I live (the actions I take), I came up with a plan to help me create goals and support myself in further success this year. I’m sharing them with you here, and hope you find something that is of service to you as well.

  • FIRST: Get in touch with your desires ~ what you want. This is key and I can’t stress that enough. If you don’t know what you want, how will you know if you have it or not?
  • Make time. Goal setting takes some time, so give yourself that gift. Maybe an hour a day for 2 or 3 days, whatever inspires and works for you. Be as detailed and specific as you can.
  • Understand why you’ve chosen the goal you have. After knowing your desires, this is the next most important step. If you aren’t connected to your why, in a very short time this will cease being a goal, seem more like a good idea and then it will be dropped. Want proof? Just check any gym out in mid February. At the beginning of January they’re packed but by early to mid February the only people you’ll find there are the one’s who remain connected to why they are working out.
  • Start with the big picture and work backwards, creating categories. For example, I call my categories “houses”. I have my business house, my health house, personal, relationship etc. I focus on one at a time, getting the overall picture of what what I want to create in that house by the end of the year.
  • Chunk it down which also makes it less overwhelming and more attainable. Once you’re clear about the overall goal, next break it down into six months, then monthly, weekly and daily steps. Now calendar these steps! Meaning if a fitness goal requires you going to the gym 3 times a week, set up a recurring event in your calendar 3 times/week for the whole year, now. Start creating the new habit.
  • Get support. Going through the process of getting your actions steps will also reveal where you need help. Do you need to hire someone? Outsource something? Enroll in a program or otherwise further your education? Research that now and start the process, whatever it is.
  • Post your goals so you can see them and review. Every couple of months, take a close look and see if you’re on track. Perhaps something has changed, is taking longer, is complete or maybe no longer relevant. Make the adjustments and carry on.

Goal setting is important because if done correctly, it provides an effective way for you to stay committed and supported in creating the life you want. Consider that any successful person sets goals including high end athletes and business people in all fields. Why? Because they know without it they cannot maintain their success. Goals keeps them in touch with the big picture (their why) staying motivated (having specific action steps), helps keep their time and resources organized and dictates when and from whom they need support.

Here’s to your most successful year yet in all and every way that matters to you!




Nurturing You

This can be a funny time of year. Funny weird, not funny ha ha and it can seem surreal. Has this ever happened to you? You’re in the mall with all the crazy making (if you didn’t lose your mind trying to park the car) while Christmas carols of joy, world peace and love play in the background. There’s a disconnect between my reality and my seemingly unattainable desire for the perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas.

In all honesty, I have moments of sadness at Christmas which I make worse by feeling bad about feeling sad. This is supposed to be a happy time, right?

I asked myself what I wanted to do as opposed to what I should be doing. And I realized I’ve been a hypocrite. I talk a good game about self care, but I haven’t been great about taking my own advice or implementing it because what I wanted was self care; time for me.

Self care is really about self love. It’s about nurturing and nourishing all of you; body, mind and spirit. And very often during the holiday season, our self care can go missing in a big way.

So in the spirit of giving, this year I decided to give to myself and I implemented my own 12 days of giving ~ to me.  Here are some ways I came up with to nurture me:

  • Say no. This is one of the most challenging lessons for me. It’s also the best way to stay out of overwhelm, feeling panicked and angry.
  • Meditate or at least have some quiet time for yourself. I know ~ who has time for that when there’s not enough time as it is? Trust me, this is the best way to recharge, and feel calm and it actually allows you to get more done. Just 10 minutes a day creates big results.
  • Have a green smoothie or juice every day. It’s easy to over indulge on the sugar, fat and alcohol this time of year. Balance it with the addition of a daily green juice or smoothie. They’re fast, easy and SO good for you. Your whole body (including your liver) will love you for it!
  • Give yourself the luxury of a warm bath – preferably accompanied by candle light and great music. Water is very feminine and nurturing on all levels. A warm bath relaxes the body and mind and is a fantastic (and inexpensive) way to love yourself. For exquisite skin care, start with exfoliating your whole body (not face) with a dry skin brush. After your bath massage your body with warmed coconut oil mixed with your favorite essential oils.
  • Take a nap. This little act of self care has changed my life. I wake up refreshed, in a good mood and feeling so self-indulged!
  • Read. Curl up with a cup of tea and that novel you’ve been trying to get to all year.
  • Watch a movie. I love romantic comedies and one of my favorites (and yes, I watch it unapologetically every year) is The Holiday with Cameron Diaz, Jude Law and Kate Winslet.
  • Bake. Or cook, whatever your thing is. For a few years I stopped baking at Christmas because it isn’t particularly healthy and I have a tendency to eat too much of it. You know what? I LOVE to bake – I love the structure and precise steps of baking, the memories that the aroma’s bring and the beauty of the finished product. I balance it by keeping a little and gifting a lot.
  • Get physical. As much as you can, stick to your work out routine. Or at least go for a walk and get some fresh air. Make a date with friends and go snow shoeing (requires very little talent at the beginner level which is a huge plus for me) skating or skiing. Let mother nature gift you with the quiet beauty of her winter scape.
  • Get fresh flowers. Even if its a single stem. Flowers are alive and share their life force with you. They bring instant beauty to any surrounding.
  • De clutter your space. This is another simple thing that has a huge impact. Stress is perceived through our eyes (as well as emotions) and when we look around and see nothing but chaos and disorder, we have an automatic stress reaction. Reduce stress simply by getting rid of what no longer serves you, isn’t beautiful or useful. Ask a friend whose home you admire, to help you. Create a plan and make it fun, not a burden.

Learning to treat yourself with with love and kindness makes your world a better place and ripples out and affects everyone. We teach others how to treat us by example of how we treat ourselves. Be good and kind to you, and others will follow suit.

I am so happy you are here; many blessings to you and may this beautiful Christmas season and every day be joy-filled and stress free!


photo from brainworksrehab.com




Success and Celebration

Have you ever done something you didn’t think you could do? And after it was all said and done, looking back you think, that wasn’t so hard?

That pretty much sums up this year for me. I started down a path in October of last year, having no idea where it would lead, how or even if, I would complete it.

In complete transparency, this has been one of the toughest year’s of my life ~ and the most exhilarating and rewarding.

I am writing this post sitting on a flight to Miami. I’ve been up since 3 am and from my vantage point of 35,000 feet in the air I’m witnessing the most spectacular sunrise! What a beautiful way to usher in another glorious 24 hours.

I’m headed to Miami for my graduation and celebrating the completion of this epic year of intense work, growth and development in a high end coaching certification program. In this moment, I’m so present to what it took to get here, to bring myself to this point where I’m actually on this flight. And I have so much gratitude!

One of the biggest lessons and gifts I received this year was learning to acknowledge myself. Actually taking a moment to stop and give myself credit for breaking through something or completing something I didn’t think I could.

I have typically ploughed through life; my sight’s constantly set on the next thing to get done. I have operated believing there is never enough time so I was constantly in a panic, rushing through everything.

I’m learning to practice celebrating and you know what? I don’t have to look very hard or very far. Life provides endless reasons and opportunities to celebrate. I’ve also discovered that gratitude goes hand in hand with celebration.

I’m letting go of the idea that life is so hard (practicing it anyway), and serious. Yes there’s a time to work and yes there are serious moments but I’m committed to enjoying life; having fun and being happy.

So I’m celebrating. I’ve created this time to acknowledge and honour what it took for me to put myself in the game the way I have; for not giving up and for having the courage to face my demons and to achieve a massive goal I set for myself.

How can you celebrate today? Life is so much sweeter when you allow yourself to enjoy it, to celebrate. To acknowledge the road you have traveled and just how far you’ve come. Your life is about you and it is worthy of celebration.

The sun is now up and a new day is well and truly underway. Enjoy the gift that is your day.

Choose joy.



photo from Her Campus


Being Present

One of the goals I made this year, was to practice paying attention to what I think about and how I think. And that includes practicing staying in the  present moment. I took this on because I spent so much time hurrying through what I was doing to get to the next thing on my to do list, worrying about the future, or regretting something from the past.  I was literally missing my day to day life.

I share this because I’ve just moved house and the process of moving took me right out of being present. I seemed to constantly be projecting into the future: being concerned about what I would or wouldn’t be needing, and trying to imagine life in a new neighborhood and environment.

Yesterday I was swiftly and abruptly brought back to the present, because yesterday, I helped move my mother into a long term care facility.

When I first heard the term dementia being used in with reference to my mom, my first reaction was fear. What if she gets to the point that she doesn’t recognize me and my siblings? What if she loses the memories of her life? This is so unfair! What if.

And then yesterday I got it.

Watching my mother and being with her, I mean really being with her – not just moving stuff around and getting her organized, but truly being present as she ebbed and flowed with different emotions, concerns and questions, I so clearly saw that we only have right now. This moment. And I shifted from sadness, and thinking I was losing my mom to recognizing that this too, is perfect.

She is still my mom and she is still teaching me.

My letting go of the way it used to be, of the way I want her to be, gives both of us freedom. She has the freedom to show up exactly as she is and exactly as she isn’t and I am free to love her, regardless of the personality that accompanies her on any given day.

I’m learning that fear ~ of anything, does not exist in the here and now. It only exists in the future! It lives in every single what if we think or say. So by staying in this moment, keeping focused on right now, there is no fear.

I’ve heard it said that 2 things cannot co exist in the same space at the same time, so where there is love, there cannot be fear. And equally, where there is fear, love will be missing.

The best way to let someone know you love them is to be present with them. Not half listening to them while on Facebook or texting or watching TV. Turn around, make eye contact, and be with them.

When you freely give your love in this way, it has no choice but to circle back. That is one of the fundamental laws of the Universe.

So if I keep my attention on the present, on this moment, there’s no fear, worry or anxiety. There’s only love that goes out to the person or people I’m present to, and eventually it circles back to me.

So I’m practicing being present, showing up in this moment.  And what my mother is teaching me, is that when I’m present to others, I’m automatically present to myself and I’m no longer missing out on my life. I’m experiencing it moment by moment.

Now that is a lesson worth learning.



photo from pickthebrain.com


Receiving Support

This week I put myself out on a limb and asked for help. Now that may not seem like a very big deal, but I was taught very early on if you want something done right, do it yourself. Combine that with fear of failure and perfectionism and you have a fool proof recipe for believing you have to do everything by yourself and it better be done right!

I can attest that is not a lot of fun and actually makes for some serious crazy making. It’s isolating, fosters fear and frustration, and in the end isn’t very productive. And it’s taken me a long time to learn that.

I’ve recently  learned 2 components of being supported I didn’t know before: I learned the difference between asking for help and being willing to actually receive it and that there is a distinct mindset associated with receiving support.

You see I thought I couldn’t afford support. What I now know, is that I can’t afford not being supported.

Yet when your reality looks like you don’t have the resources (time or money) for support, how do you get it? You start from where you are. Let me say that again. Start from where you are.

I started by asking my husband to make dinner 3 nights a week and to do the majoring of the grocery shopping. It was a big step for me to not only ask, but then to accept the support. This alone has made a big impact because it freed up both time and energy for me. Energy because I wasn’t thinking about what to make for dinner and time because I wasn’t involved in the doing of it.

Next I sought support with all things technical in my business, starting with just 3 hours a week. For the first time I wasn’t doing everything alone and the freedom it provided was absolutely magical! My time was no longer used up fighting with technology and being frustrated. Instead I was able to spend my time doing what I’m good at, what I love and what inspires me. And you know what? I started making more money! Start from where you are!

I didn’t wait until I had the money to hire the support. I started from where I was, set a weekly budget and let the rest unfold.

When you allow yourself to receive the support, you are reinforcing the energetic vibration that you are worth being supported. That is a game changer! See, most of us think we have to have the resources before we can get the support and it just isn’t true.

Mindset or how you think plays a big role in receiving support and that includes learning to ask better questions, of both yourself and others. Instead of dismissing something as not possible for you, get into the practice of asking how can I? This simple shift changes your energy and it opens the door for idea’s, people and situations to show up that were otherwise unavailable to you. It moves you from defeat to possibility. And when we focus on what’s possible, it changes our energy and sparks new creative flow.


picture from huffingtonpost.com