Finding “It”

Part of my daily routine involves reading. Now, if I’m completely honest here it’s not actually daily – although that’s my goal. So lets call it (for now) my 4 – 5 times-a-week routine, with the intention of having it become daily.  Yes, I’m still a work in progress.

Anyway, the point is, I read. I read because I find it helps quiet the chatter in my mind; it helps me to keep my attention on what I want (instead of running a muck on what I don’t want) and it keeps me in the frequency of I can, I am and I will. Because left to my own devices, my mind will take me out of the game before I know it.

So one of the books I read is The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. It’s a beautifully poetic book of daily inspirational readings that uplift, inspire and are deeply thought provoking. A recent passage that stood out for me is called Our Sense of Calling. It  says in part …”in every living thing there is an inner necessity that out weighs all consequence,…we truly have no choice but to live out what we are born with, to find and work our path.”

It stands out for me because I’ve been on the hunt my whole life for that thing that I’m here to do, to contribute.  The age old question’s of why am I here? Whats my purpose? And what is my gift? have been a part of me for as long as I can remember.  I’ve been up and down many a path in search of it and have even been completely derailed a couple of times, but that burning desire, that incessant drive to know it, and name it was never quiet for long.

So how do you know when you’ve found it? What if you’ve already stumbled across it, and didn’t recognize it? What if….the what if’s are endless.

This is what I know to be true for me.  It is the thing I could discuss all day, every day. It’s as natural and comfortable as breathing. And once the skill set is down (if learned skills are required) your natural intuitive way with it just flows and enhances the learned skills. The it is something you are so naturally drawn to, you research it on your own time, you educate yourself on your own time because that’s how interesting and even necessary it is to you. And that’s why it doesn’t feel like “work”. You are it and it is you.

I came across a quote the other day which summed this up beautifully for me.

You are that which you are seeking.  ~ Saint Francis.

When I understood this for myself, I let go of some of the desperate struggle. I let go and got on with the business of being.