presense

How To Be Fully In The Present Moment

Being in the flow, the ease and grace of life is effortless. Our creativity is engaged, we are happy, make good decisions quickly and easily, and enjoy a sense of ease.

Being in the flow is actually our natural state of being. It’s when our mind and body are relaxed; we feel positive, our hearts are open and our energy is aligned with nature.

So why aren’t we in the flow all the time? What takes us out of this natural state?

The short answer is we do. There are 2 states of being that we relate to the world from: the way things actually are and the way we want them to be. The latter is influenced by the media, social status, culture and our families. We learn to judge ourselves and the world based on what we are told, and we learn it so well that we do it unconsciously.

Being in the flow is about being in the present moment, without wanting or trying to make it anything other than what it is, in that moment.

It’s when we are fully present and accepting of what is, as it is.

According to Deepak Chopra, in the movement towards enlightenment, where you are is the point of arrival. That, is being in the flow.

There’s actually nowhere to get to; our point of arrival or destination, does not exist outside the present moment. But our belief’s may tell us otherwise and it’s our internal struggle with what is, versus the way we want it to be, that takes us out of the flow.

If you find yourself struggling, annoyed or down right pissed off, here are a few suggestions to get back on track.

  • Give yourself a break! This is not about perfectionism so allow yourself to feel aggravated or out of sorts.
  • Do something else; something you enjoy. Take a walk, have a massage, go out and grab a coffee. Something that gets you out of your current physical environment and moves energy. This step is especially important if you’re rushing to meet a deadline. It may feel like you don’t have the time to do this, but trying to force yourself back into the flow is akin to getting blood from a stone. Ain’t gonna happen!
  • Get reconnected with why you’re doing whatever it is you’re doing. What’s the bigger picture? This alone can often be enough to get you back in the flow and the creative juices flowing.
  • Go to gratitude. As quickly as you can, write out as many things you can think of that you are grateful for, for 1 minute. Read them aloud and say a heart felt thank you after each one.

Being in the flow is your natural, inherent way of being, and if you find it a struggle, its only because you’ve forgotten that. The grace and ease associated with being in the flow comes from a place of being, not doing.

Practice choosing grace and ease no matter what is happening around you. Release any and all perfection, overwhelm or force you may be experiencing and go back to step 1.

As Deepak reminds us, there’s really no where to get to. You are already here. Allow it to ebb and flow as it will and you will soon find yourself more in the flow, than out.

xo

confidence

How To Find Your Voice And Your Confidence

One of the key ingredient in implementing lasting change in anything, is confidence. Confidence stems from 2 key places:

  1. knowing who you are and
  2. having knowledge/skills/education about your particular line of work or zone of genius.

So what do I mean by knowing who you are? This can seem like a redundant point, but being clear about who you are is key in your being confident and ultimately successful.

Knowing who you are refers to having clear boundaries for yourself and others, your ability to make decisions and choices for yourself without allowing what others think to stop you, and your willingness to share an opinion or thought, especially when it differs from the majority.

It’s really about knowing what is true for you and giving it a voice.

The other aspect refers to having (or acquiring) the necessary expertise so you are accomplished in your chosen field. Education coupled with knowing who you are develops confidence.

So what do you do if you have the education but lack the confidence to go after what you want?

You build it. Confidence is a skill like anything else and anyone can develop it.

There are several steps to building confidence but the main one is repetition. Like anything new, to develop it you must practice it.  Repetition is key.

This is where most of us get caught because self confidence is an inside job. Say you are learning to play piano. Practicing the piano is easy – you just sit down at a piano and practice. How do you practice confidence?

  • Create a zero tolerance policy for negative self talk. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself, noticing how much negative self talk you engage in. Make a pact to only speak to yourself with love and respect. And don’t break it!
  • Create a positive mantra for and put it in several places so you see it every day. Repeat it each morning out loud before getting out of bed and again before sleeping. Put it on a sticky note in your car, on your bathroom mirror and say it often.
  • Avoid negativity of any kind (especially complaining). Surround yourself only with people that believe in you and provide positive, helpful feedback.
  • Write a letter to yourself when you are feeling happy and confident. Praise yourself for your accomplishments, goals and what you’ve created so far, in your life. Pull it out and read it when you are feeling down and less than confident to remind yourself of your strengths, abilities and who you are.
  • Make time to learn about you: what are your preferences, likes and dislikes? Honour them.

Confidence tells other people how you feel about yourself. It demonstrates leadership, promotes positive thinking in yourself and others and it attracts people to you.

It is directly linked to your faith in yourself and it is critical to your success . If you don’t believe in you, no one else will either.

Learn to tune out the critics on the outside but more importantly, tune out your own inner critic. Know who you are and grow your confidence.

It is key to living the live you’re here to live.

xo

heart-in-sand

Learn How To Recognize What You Desire

What does love inspire you to do?

I have done some crazy and questionable things in the name of love. Things that at the time seemed like such a good idea and under love’s spell, they even felt brilliant.

And then time passes. It might be a few days or a few decades, but at some point, in looking back at my brilliant ideas I cringe and think OMG! What was I thinking?!

Do you have a similar story? If so, you are not alone!

At an early age, our desire for love and acceptance is linked to our desire to learn and understand who we are. It drives us forward in search of experiences and people that will bring us clarity.

That desire is as fundamental and primal as our need to eat and sleep.

To know who we are, we must look inward. But most of us don’t. We are taught to look out. And so we develop a sense of ourselves based on what our community and the world deems acceptable, praiseworthy and loveable.

We learn to adopt ways of being and attitudes that we think will grant us acceptance and love.

Developing a strong sense of self is one of if not the greatest foundational pieces we can ever develop. It is from this place, for both ourselves and others that we establish boundaries, preferences and respect. We become familiar with the truth of who we are.

Your sense of self or lack thereof affects everything.

The ironic thing is that as babies, we have it; we are abundantly clear when we want to eat, sleep or be held. There is no question about when we are happy and when we aren’t and we aren’t in the least concerned about whether or not it’s appropriate.

That’s the good news. We actually innately know what we desire and who we are, even as an infant. Our work as an adult, is to reconnect with that from within, from our inner place that already knows.

So where do you begin? One of the best way’s I’ve discovered is to pay attention to how you make decisions.

Not long ago I couldn’t make a decision to save my life. And that included what clothes to buy (what if my husband didn’t like it?), what to make for dinner (what if so and so doesn’t eat fish?) or whether to buy plain white dishes or patterned ones. It was exhausting! My days were spent second guessing myself and trying to anticipate everything for everybody.

I started to control and micromanage everything and everyone around me. All because I didn’t trust myself.

Trust stems from knowing who you are. I had very little sense of self so I didn’t trust myself to make decisions and choices that were good for me.

If you have difficulty making decisions or are in the habit of asking for outside opinions/advice, I have a challenge for you:

For one week, refrain from asking anyone else for their opinion or input ~ about anything!

Taking this on accomplishes 2 things: 1) it brings awareness to just how often you seek outside opinions (aka approval) and 2) you begin to recognize what you desire,  which leads to you actually trusting that you do know what’s best for you!

Now that’s inspiring!

xo

letting-goedit

Why Becoming Frustrated With Yourself Is A Good Thing

Have you ever had the experience of being somewhere but wanting or desiring to be somewhere else?

I’m referring to an internal struggle; I can see so clearly where it is I want to get to but it seems so far away from where I am. And it can feel like it takes so long to take even the smallest step forward.

I guess that’s part of the learning curve…having the patience to be where you are and to be fully there before taking the next step. I get that logically, but the reality is sometimes a little more challenging.

Is there an answer? A way to get around this and fast track? Not that I’ve found so far, and, it seems, with good reason.

Here’s what I have learned. Allow the frustration and anger to come out because lets face it, we’ve all been there, right?

It is frustrating as hell to repeatedly spend time and energy working on something only to have it fail again! Pretending otherwise is pointless for me, so I have my rant, stomp my feet and cuss up a storm.

And when I allow myself to express that, when I let the energy of the frustration go, it very often provides a new opening.

Being on a learning curve is so much more than just education. It is the growing and developing of your essential self. It is the building and strengthening of a new “muscle” and it takes time and practice.

It’s easy when caught in the struggle, to lose sight of how far we’ve actually come. So I make a point, after my tirade passes, to look at where I was a year ago, 6 months ago, or even last week.

From that perspective, I can see my growth and development, and feel reassured that all is not for naught, and soon I’m back in the mix.

My life is all about me, just as yours is all about you. And it would seem that one of the great lessons of my life is to remember that.

Sometimes I experience great joy and sometimes not so much. But part of what I’ve learned is that whenever it feels like something is happening to me, it’s also happening for me.

It is in the commitment to ourselves, our dedication to growing, learning and becoming all we are meant to be that the real education takes place because we are actually learning to master ourselves, not just the task at hand.

An added bonus to this developing and mastery of self is that I clearly understand that this is also the place we can best be of service to others.

If you would like to gain more clarity on where you want to be and how to get there, then I encourage you to book a Discovery Session with me here (completely FREE!)